Chapter Ten

THANK YOU, MR. LETTERMAN
Top Ten Lists

Stacy D. Phillips sprinkles humor throughout her book, with cartoons, humorous anecdotes and personal asides. In Chapter 10, Ms. Phillips summarizes some of the outrageous things that her clients have said or done when they lose control.

"And another thing: your father is an idiot. A complete and total idiot, and I can't even believe I ever married him. What was wrong with me?" sneered the spurned housewife, letting go of the steering wheel momentarily to gesture to the heavens, arms outstretched above her head. Her seven-year-old daughter in the back seat began to cry. Her nine-year-old son tried to distract her. "Hey, mom, we're gonna win at soccer today, don't you think?"

"Yeah, if we ever get there." She threw the sarcastic remark over her shoulder. "Your father is so stupid. What part of 'return the kids by no later than three so I can get them to soccer on time' do you think he didn't understand?"

Showing zero mercy to her daughter, "What are you crying about?" "I hate it when you and daddy say bad things about each other," she said, wiping the tears and her nose with her sweater sleeve.

Backing off, "Well if he just wasn't so self-centered and full of himself..."

The poor children, they still had another ten minutes to go before they reached the soccer field.

Control, of course, is at the heart of the need to spout off or behave in counterproductive ways.

When any one of the Three Typical Wars is raging, and people are being pulled taut emotionally, psychologically and legally, they behave in ways that are less than flattering or favorable to them.

I am a firm believer that humor is a positive way to make salient points and an unforgettable way of serving as reminders. I also think humor is a terrific way to gain a better perspective under duress. As a way of making you laugh, yet also helping you take heed of what could be regrettable-saying things you wished you hadn't or doing things you might agonize over-I put together suggestions I thought would be interesting and fun, yet also meaningful.

Inasmuch as I am a huge David Letterman fan and truly enjoy many of his "Top Ten" lists, I thought it would be fitting to offer up what I gathered from my research in a much more entertaining way. With that in mind, I have compiled my own ten Top Ten lists. Review these-some are lighthearted and some are serious.

HELD IN CONTEMPT

Top 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Judge

10. So she gets the gold and I get the shaft?

9. I don't think you would have ruled that way if I'd been a guy (gal).

8. I'm really not comfortable raising my right hand and repeating after anyone.

7. I'm not hiding my income, so help me God.

6. Why are you picking on me?

5. No court's going to tell me what to do!

4. You'll have to wait a minute, my cell phone's ringing.

3. I don't have time for this.

2. You're the one who should have a psych eval.

1. With all due respect, Your Honor, have you ever been through a divorce?