Chapter Five

THE EMOTIONAL WARS

With more than 20 years of experience handling all types of divorces, family law attorney Stacy D. Phillips has dealt with the aftermath of many emotional wars. Consider this example from Chapter Five:

The bracelet was 24-karat gold.

"Where did you get that?" asked a distraught father.

"Oh, mom said I could have it for dress up. She said she didn't want it anymore," answered a confident teen.

"I don't believe it..." the father muttered. "What?" she asked innocently.

"Nothing. Never mind." The father was shattered. The bracelet had been his ten-year anniversary gift to his daughter's mother, his former wife.

Ms. Phillips says:

Like in any other war, there are always losses and certainly casualties and collateral damage. No one walks off the Emotional War battlefield uninjured. And the goal of those who enlist for this type of war is to hurt another person. The rounds that are fired are not accidental or incidental-they are intentional!

Emotional wars are ugly.

Ms. Phillips identifies different archetypes of emotional warriors. They may have different tactics, but the motivation is the same:

The Attacker can be in a state of constant combat readiness, or as cool as a stealth bomber, similar to the character Michael Corleone, portrayed by Al Pacino, in the original Godfather. We saw this behavior when his former wife, played by Diane Keaton, came to the door to see her children, and he just coldly slammed it in her face.

The Attacker will usually use every means possible to hurt the feelings of the other party-meaning you!

The profile of the Defender is usually the self-righteous individual who claims there was no choice but to counterattack, someone who feels justified leveling the war-playing field by tossing a few emotional grenades, even after some of the smoke has cleared. Although they may feel justified, they are almost as guilty as the Attacker, because they allow themselves to become involved in the antics.