Chapter Four

WHO'S IN CONTROL - YOUR OR THEM?

In order to drive home a particular idea, Stacy D. Phillips uses hypothetical scenarios throughout each chapter. Chapter Four discusses divorce attorneys, therapists and other parties who have influence in a divorce - including the children of divorce

YOUTH ORIENTED

Megan half skipped, half ran, to greet her waiting mother at the door. Her father had just dropped her off from a weekend visit. The nine-year-old could not reach out to hug her mother because her arms were full.

"Hey, what's all this?" Her mother tried to hide her irritation. Megan had obviously been deluged with gifts. She followed her mother into the kitchen.

"Well, the movie is for scoring a point at soccer on Saturday." Megan was hyped and revved. "The bracelet is for helping Dad clean out the garage. The posters are for having perfect manners at the dinner table, and don't get mad Mom, but the jacket is" Before she could finish her sentence, "That jacket! Megan, I told you I would buy you that little suede number for your birthday next month, remember? You asked me specifically to buy that for you. Did you not?"

"Yeah, but"

"But, what? What's going on?"

"Well, we were at the mall and I showed it to Dad and he said... well, he didn't say, actually. I told him I wanted that for my birthday."

"So you got him to buy it for you? You didn't tell him you had already asked me to?" Megan's mom was incredulous.

"Well, yes, it's an early birthday present. Dad and I, well, we decided. That's what I told him I wanted and...but Mom?"

"What did you say? We decided?" She was ready to blow.

"That's okay because that means you can buy meyou can get me that DVD player," Megan couldn't hide a wide grin.

"Possibly not, Megan." Her mother was spinning!

"Well, fine then." Megan turned on her heel to head upstairs with her things.

Her mother instinctively began to follow her.

"Then I'll just ask Dad for one. He'll buy it for me!"

Megan's mother stood at the foot of the stairs, fuming and speechless.

Well, well, how often do children attempt to run the show in divorce, playing one parent against the other? More often than most people think. Sometimes it can be subtle, other times it can be blatant, as in the case of Megan. Children can be the most provocative forces in the Control Department. Yes, they are often casualties of the Divorce Wars, but then again, they can actually manipulate or even instigate them! I have seen more second, third and fourth marriages break up because of conflicts with, or over, the children. Their power can be nuclear!

I have listed a few varieties of child types to see if you can identify where your offspring or your stepchildren rank, and also to get you in better touch with who it is that is in control, you or your child.